My goals are to entertain and give the reader a vivid vision of being there personally, like in a 3D motion. Let me know in the comments if I've achieved my goals.
This is what I came up with:
It was a dull grey day, but the poppies were a sharp, vivid red. The memories collided in his faithless mind, too many soldiers dead. They sacrificed they’re mortal lives to save their country, and had a victorious death soon after…
Maybe it all happened for a good reason, he thought trying to lighten up his brain. But it surely wasn’t that good, the soldiers never had a choice to join the war or not. They were forced into it at young dreadful ages, whether they like it or not. Many wanted to escape, but there was no choice… they had to save their country, they were its only choice and saviour.
He lay there in the memorial poppy field, staring at the fading sky. He gripped on to the nearest poppies and a tear made its way down from his eye, landing on his soft surroundings.
Maybe it all happened for a good reason, he thought trying to lighten up his brain. But it surely wasn’t that good, the soldiers never had a choice to join the war or not. They were forced into it at young dreadful ages, whether they like it or not. Many wanted to escape, but there was no choice… they had to save their country, they were its only choice and saviour.
He lay there in the memorial poppy field, staring at the fading sky. He gripped on to the nearest poppies and a tear made its way down from his eye, landing on his soft surroundings.
Hi Jessica! Great descriptive words and great story. Can't wait for more!
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